What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
