I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
