My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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