Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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