I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
