It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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