I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
