he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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