Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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