Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
