Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
