I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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