that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
