My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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