I'm sorry my penis didn't work
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
