There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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