i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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