dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
