worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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