Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
