I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
