This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
