I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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