I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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