I CAN MOONWALK!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
