I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
