You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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