a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How does it feel to date your dad?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
