Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
