i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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