I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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