my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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