My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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