I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
