I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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