It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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