i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
