508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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