i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
