Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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