omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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