Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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