i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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