Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
