i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
