He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
