Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
