I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she woke up with a sticky ear
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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