Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
