I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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