he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
