he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
