your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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