woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
