the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
