Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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