My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
