YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
