i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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