My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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