you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
