I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
