recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
