Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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