What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
