I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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