She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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