I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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