3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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