I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
