my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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