I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
