If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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