Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
