so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
