She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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