No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
