woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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