i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
