I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
