i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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