you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
