The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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