i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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