my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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