Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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