epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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